Sick and Tired!!

With having a seizure last night I am feeling quite low in my mood today, I'm still feeling nauseous and headachey so that doesn't help. I had a warning sign about 15 - 30 minutes prior to the generalized seizure. I thought I was being silly and over analytical so I didn't mention anything to Terry. Now I wish I had. Not that he'd be able to do anything to prevent it, but he would have had warning instead of getting a fright when I kicked the wee coffee table across the lounge floor. When He realized what was happening he moved other stuff out of the way.
Again I had no idea that I'd just had a seizure. All I do remember is feeling really sick and Terry handing me a bowl and towel. I guess he's getting use to the look of utter confusion on my face when he's asking me if I'm okay and telling me I've had a seizure. He'd phoned Mum Smith during my seizure and apparently she phoned back and I answered, She asked for Terry and I gave him the phone. Of course I can't recall any of that. I only have fragments of memory of the event. When Terry woke me this morning he asked if I'd remembered what had happened last night, I thought I'd dreamt it!
My GP is away till next week so I ended up phoning in to my neurologist Dr Mason. She told me to increase my current medication and see how we go after a few weeks with that. It's very frustrating for me (and family/friends) as I don't know why these seizures are happening, there's no preperation for before one and no 'natural' methods of preventing or treating epilepsy. I am constantly asking the Lord why he hasn't healed me yet, but I now believe that I can show God's strength in this weakness in my body. Similar to how Paul dealt with his 'thorn in his side'. I appreciate all the prayer that family and friends are doing for me. And I know that there are millions of people worse off than I am. At least I do have access to medication and get a subsidy from the government to help with the costs.
Well that's about all on that subject, no doubt I'll need to vent again regarding my epilepsy.

We had Jess stay for a few days during holidays. I so loved having her. We hadn't seen her for quite a while with me not being able to drive and her so involved in her dance stuff. For a 13 yr old she is very busy and quite the socialite. Rather attached to her cell phone too. I think the only time her phone was quiet was when we were all in bed!! Is this what we have to look forward too? Terry and I hear the comments of 'wait till they're teens' or 'deal with these things before they hit puberty or they'll never accept the boundaries', we've also heard about all the 'trouble' with boys and peer pressure. And on top of all that we get told 'they (the girls) stop listening and being interested in any one else other than themselves'.
I'm not sure that we will have all those issues happen to us and the girls. It annoys me how people lump all teen girls into one type of child. Everyone is different after all. One thing I did find difficult in re to Jess was being able to relate to her as she is now in a different phase than the girls and the 4yr gap between her and Em is very obvious now. Like I said to De, as the girls will grow so will we as parents and we'll have grown into the next phase with them. Having Jess was an eye opener to the differences.

Well I'd better go, the washing machined has finished and its getting on to the time of getting tea organised.
Love to all.

update

Well, I have a few moments where I can do an update on this blog. Although I could repeat things with what's on the family blog.
Most people know that I had another generalised seizure last tuesday (3rd July), I still have a bump on the back of the head. Looking back I think I had slight concussion. I wasn't quite fully aware of myself at the doctors and didn't realise that I had hurt my head or my back. I'm still waiting to hear about an appointment with my neurologist. My GP thinks we'll have to change or add to my current medication. I had gone for a bike ride on the sunday before (1st July), I felt so good afterwards! Having my period at the time was giving me a low mood and the excersise was just the thing I needed. Then the seizure on tuesday has now stopped me from cycling for the mean time. Doc says it's too dangerous, if I had a generalised seizure I could cause a serious accident, even if I was with someone else I couldn't be stopped from falling in front of a car. I could bike around the school grounds but I am afraid of falling onto the concrete there as well.
I was talking to Jo today and figured that I had been able to finally accept and acknowledge that I have epilepsy, then when I started to have these generalised seizures I have had to deal with the 'big' part of the epilepsy - the worst part in my eyes - I now have to back up a bit and try to trudge through this latest swamp. But through it I will get!!
I have epilepsy - epilepsy does not have me!!
Well I better go and settle the girls down as it's 8pm and their getting a bit too energetic this close to bedtime. They are enjoying having their cousy Jess to stay for a few days. Aimee is staying at Nana's house for the night. I miss her already! I don't think I have fully accepted that she is at school now.